Love of Evol
by Mortal Anonymous
Summary: A short about Elmyra and a girl you may remember from an episode called "Can't Buy Me Love". Her name was Rhoda, and well, I can't help but think they were made for each other. I had to bring her back for this. Intro by Buster, cameo by Fowlmouth.


Rays of sunlight rained down beautifully in the woods of Acme Acres, particularly on the home of one Buster Bunny. As the scene faded in, Buster himself rose from his tree stump with a yawn and a scratch at his back.

"Hmm, still another day of cliché perfect weather." he noted. Then turning to the audience, he added, "But don't worry, it won't stay that way for long, because you'll never guess who's making a return appearance! Who out there remembers a girl called Rhoda?"

He scanned the audience, not receiving an answer. He tried polling, "She was Elmyra's best friend? Demands to be called 'Queen'? Bossy? Evil? Horrific beyond all reason?"

A picture of a girl in a frilly pink dress and blond braided pigtails suddenly popped into existence next to Buster. In her hands was a stuffed rabbit toy, torn to shreds, and on her face was a broad smirk. Thunder and lightning tore through the sky to emphasize.

Buster looked to the picture casually, pulling out an umbrella to shield him from the developing downpour.

"Yeah, that's her," he observed, "Well, she's back, and here to help Elmyra teach us a lesson about how friendship can sometimes move into unexpected places. Yipe!"

The picture had just come to life and tried to throttle Buster's neck. It then reached back into its border and brought out an axe, raising it above its head. Buster fled, Rhoda breaking free from her picture to give chase.

"Cue title card!" Buster shouted as he sped away into the distance. His umbrella spiraled back toward the camera and engulfed the lens, providing and excellent segue into the cartoon.

…

"Hey Elmyra, give me your stupid doll; I accidentally ripped the head off mine and turned her inside out."

"Kay."

"Hey Elmyra, if you were my real friend you'd make me some fruit punch."

"Kay."

"Hey Elmyra, I'm broke; buy me the latest hit CD album, would ya? And somethin' to play it on."

"Kay."

"Hey Elmyra, gimme your favorite outfit."

"Kay."

Elmyra rushed wildly back and forth, upwards, downwards, and all around-wards, becoming a blur as she tried to keep up with the increasingly demanding orders from Rhoda, her best friend in the world.

"Gimme your clock radio."

"Gimme your carpeting."

"Gimme!"

"Gimme!"

"GIMME!"

Panting, Elmyra trudged back into her room, where Rhoda sat like a queen atop the mound of possessions she'd been gifted. As Elmyra arrived with the last of several carpet swatches she'd ripped up from the living room floor, as a quick shot of said barren room littered with carpet staples and a crowbar revealed, Rhoda smiled and slid down the mound of stuff to engulf Elmyra in a tight, warm hug.

"Gee, thanks!" she gushed, "I've got the most nicest, sweetest best friend in the world, don't I?"

Dropping her carpet squares, Elmyra saw hearts as she asked airily, "You do..?"

"Sure, whatever," brushed off Rhoda, shoving Elmyra off her, "Let's go to the movies to celebrate. Take me to the drive-in."

"Oh, you want me to borrow my mommy's car again?" said Elmyra, her smile drooping a bit.

"If you were really my bestest friend, you'd take me." Rhoda returned, folding her arms in a huff, "Or…do you not want to be my friend anymore?" Suddenly she looked sad, tears threatening to fall, "That's it, isn't it? You don't like me anymore. You hate me!"

Elmyra gasped. "Oh, no! I wanna be your friend forever and ever, Rhoda Queenie darling friend; come on, let's go right now..!" She grabbed Rhoda by the wrist and in a cloud of speed they were out the door.

As Elmyra tore through the garage door and out of the driveway in her mom's red thunderbird, Rhoda gushed, "Awww, you didn't have to…you're so nice to me."

Elmyra chuckled and blushed as she plowed through another fire hydrant, mailbox, and knocked over a row of telephone polls.

…

Parked in front of the screen and awaiting the picture with a string of road debris behind them, Elmyra sat staring at an increasingly irritated Rhoda.

"Are you happy, Queen?" asked Elmyra eagerly.

"Not with you gawkin' at me like that, ya weirdo." shot Rhoda, "Go make yourself useful and get me some candy."

"Alright; don't go anywhere..!" quipped Elmyra, to which Rhoda rolled her eyes. Before she even finished though, Elmyra had zipped to the concession stand and back, proudly presenting Rhoda with several boxes of her favorite treats.

"Took ya long enough." Rhoda snapped, and seized the candy, beginning to scarf it down greedily and flinging the empty boxes onto the ground.

After a few moments of watching her with a worshipping glow, Elmyra ventured a tap on Rhoda's shoulder. "Hey, Queenie-weenie?"

"What?" spat Rhoda.

"Um, weeell…" started Elmyra, arms behind her back as she rocked cutely, "Since I'm always givin' you stuff and everything, would you mind maybe givin' me a little somethin'-somethin' too, do ya think?"

Rhoda's face grew dark. "What? You want me to _give_ you something? Of all the selfish things, can you believe it? You shouldn't ask your friend for their stuff, how rude..!" She stuck her nose in the air snobbishly.

Elmyra was perplexed. "But Rhoda honey, don't you always-?"

"Shut up." Rhoda interrupted, "So what do you want, me to share my candy or something? 'Cuz I won't."

Elmyra giggled. "No, I don't want your candy. I just want a little kissy-wissy-poo, silly-willy. That's all."

Rhoda blanched, stunned.

"Ewww, gross, what?" she said when she found her words, "You want a _kiss_ from _me_? What the heck for?"

Elmyra rocked innocently some more. "Oh, I dunno," she answered, "I always wanna kiss cute things and you know I think you're cute, but I still haven't kissed you yet. Also I really love you 'cuz you give me special wiggly feelings in my tummy. I dunno why, but I really like it when people are all mean and yelly to me, and you're _really_ mean and yelly, so I've just gotta try even harder to make you love me. It's just like when I was chasing Maxy-waxy, who I'm really glad you made me break up with by the way 'cuz I realized super quick that I really only love you, my cute little best friend Queenie neighbor girl." Here she inhaled deeply. "So gimme a kiss?"

She puckered hopefully in Rhoda's direction.

There was silence as Rhoda gawped, drinking that all in.

Eventually, she managed, "You're joking, right?"

Elmyra blinked her eyes open in confusion. "I don't think so…wait, are you saying you don't really love me, Rhoda Queen friend..?" Her eyebrows curved upward in a begging disbelief.

Rhoda looked ready to dash her hopes to pieces for a moment, but surprisingly, paused. Seeing the potential hurt in her best friend's face, she held back, her eyes shifting side to side as she mulled something over. She then battled inwardly, grinding her teeth and yanking at her braids. A few contortions later she let out a frustrated yell and turned tersely, pouting, to Elmyra.

"Alright, don't you _ever_ tell anyone I told you this," she let out grudgingly, "but I _do_ kinda sorta like you. Maybe. I need someone to lord over who constantly worries about my approval, and something about you admittedly clicks perfectly to the position. I mean I couldn't leave you alone for five minutes after you left me…it must mean _something_. I think I need you."

She crossed her arms in a sulk, hating to have had that dragged out of her.

Elmyra inhaled elatedly, hands clasped by her cheek. "Aw, that's sweet little Queenie best friend! And I need you too! So, will you kiss me?" She puckered again, expectantly.

Rhoda glowered in the direction of Elmyra's mouth, but sighed heavily. "Awww, what the heck. But don't think this means I'll let you get gooshy all the time. I hate that stuff, yuck!"

Tittering, Elmyra replied, "Oh, don't worry, I'm used to working hard for snuggles. It's kinda my thing." She twirled a bit of hair around her finger.

Rhoda started to roll her eyes but was interrupted by Elmyra grabbing the sides of her head and pulling her into an elongated full-mouth kiss.

"Mmm…" Elmyra sighed, her eyes closed, hearts floating from her head by the dozen. She slid her hands down Rhoda's back and twisted her side-to-side, like she usually did with her animal friends, only much less violent.

Rhoda, meanwhile, could only stare in shock for the first few seconds, wide eyes gaping at Elmyra's very close closed ones. She then blinked a couple of times to snap herself out of it, and to her surprise started to melt into Elmyra's hug, fitting very snugly indeed. Her arms found themselves rising to clutch at Elmyra's shoulders, and her eyelids drooped lazily. She kissed back a little in response to the movements of Elmyra's lips; they seemed to never want to stop their slow, hungry motions.

Indeed, Elmyra wanted to burn Rhoda's taste into her lips so that she'd never be without it, but to Rhoda's dismay she pulled off anyway.

Blinking some more to clear her dazed head, Rhoda choked out, "Wow, freak face, you're not half bad…maybe I will let you do that again sometime after all."

Elmyra tittered and batted her eyelashes, blushing. "Gee, you must've really liked it; you forgot my name again..!"

Rhoda smirked wearily at Elmyra's idiocy. The two shared a glace that ended up lingering, Rhoda seeming almost human for a moment. The shot panned back, and then their silhouettes leaned slowly in to kiss again as the scene irised out.

Just then, Elmyra popped back through where the iris had been and said, "Sorry folks, no peeky-weekies! Rhoda said she's gonna show me how to smooch like the French. Oo la la, fancy..!"

In a single motion she was sporting a beret, kerchief and baguette, and she wiggled her eyebrows before disappearing back into the blackness.

…

Buster faced the audience as he shrugged, "Yeah, I know, right? Ya never thought it possible. But I guess it just goes to show you that love can crop up anywhere, even amongst sadistic psychopaths and screwballs."

He moved in close and whispered, "Honestly though, I think those two deserve each other. Uck!"

He stepped back again and finished, "Well, so long for now, toonsters, and thanks for stickin' with us through that last horror story. Please don't stop watching the show though; it'll be better next week. I swear!"

In the middle of his knelt begging, Fowlmouth came up on the right and said, "Hey, ya dad-gum shtick stealer! I thought swearin' was my job!"

Buster looked to the little chicken tapping his foot in a grumpy manner, and then looked back flatly to the camera.

"Hardy har har. Are we done yet?" he said sarcastically.

The show ended in response.


End file.
